The single worst part of chronic illness? It’s not the illness. Truly; illness can be learned and accepted and coped with. It may involve pain, fatigue and increasing amounts of bitterness, but these things are like furniture in the House of You*. Sometimes you get stuck with an ugly lamp and you never get rid of it. Hella annoying. Still, you can get away with having an ugly lamp.
No, the worst part is when other people like your ugly lamp and tries to make you gifts of other furniture pieces to match it. You say “No”, you say “I really, really don’t like that lamp”, you say “I certainly refuse to allow the look of that lamp to taint the rest of my home”. God, you already have an ugly lamp. You don’t need an ugly integrity and an ugly self respect and an ugly excuse for an intelligence to match that lamp.
They make it sound like they’re being helpful. “Have you tried this miracle extract of hand-picked mangoes from some unspecified part of Africa? The one you can order by dialling this number and leaving your credit card details? Look at this web page where it says it HELPS!” And they make you sound impolite when you tell them no, you have invested a lot in your current sturdy edition of self respect, and also this miracle mango thing isn’t going to fit in your home unless you throw out your intelligence, which you are, after all, quite fond of. They say, “God, you just don’t want to get healthier, do you?” They say, “You’re not even trying to let that lamp dictate every other metaphorical interior decorating choice you will ever make, are you?” They say, “You can’t know unless you try it!”
And, you know, I do know. I know because I’m not blind. By the legendary power of human imagination and vision, I know your divan is going to look dreadful, even if, by virtue of humiliation, it will steal attention away from the ugly lamp for a while. I know your powdered mystery mangoes are not going to make everything better. I am not cynical or ungrateful. You, however, are in dire need of castration.
* I apologise.
